Over the last month, I found myself vulnerable and, at the same time, trying to control my emotions wanting to remain distant. During a planned visit to celebrate my niece's graduation, I learned that my father needed heart surgery. I am a fortunate woman; I still have both of my parents. Many of my friends and relatives have lost their parents. Many of us think that our family members will live forever, then in a blink of an eye, they are no longer with us. I was vulnerable. The inevitability of loss was most prevalent. Many times I found myself trying to control my emotions, not speaking or holding back my feelings. When I did this, I became more anxious and even angry. Many of us hold back our feelings and find it challenging to be vulnerable with others. Being vulnerable leads to surrender, which ultimately is the love that we hold deep within ourselves. Why is it difficult for us to allow others to see who we are what are we afraid of? I was feeling sad and overwhelmed. Some of the questions I was grappling with were what words can I offer him to help him feel at peace? Should I tell him how I feel how much I really love him? I didn’t want to leave anything unsaid because the essential question was, Will he live through the surgery? When we surrender, our hearts open to love. Jesus gave us many beautiful examples of vulnerability. He showed us, by his lived example, that being vulnerable is a reflection of love. Isn’t this the purpose of our lives?
Many of us live our lives with such control that, in some ways, we mimic robots. Of course, concealing our feelings and emotions leads to emotional, physical, and spiritual pain. I have found I am the biggest culprit trying to maintain control of my feelings. Being honest with ourselves and feeling our emotions Will lead us to the truth of who we are, our authentic selves where God resides. I am a lucky woman. Because of your prayers and love, my father’s surgery was successful. He is now recovering at home and getting stronger each day. This week take the time to be honest with yourself speak your truth. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable with one other person. I guarantee you will feel much lighter.