I want to know you

It was a tough week. Florida’s numbers continue to grow, now topping 250,000 cases with over 4,000 deaths. The anxiety level is rising, and some businesses have temporarily closed near us as employees are testing positive. In the midst of all of the turmoil, my heart calls out, “ I want to know you.” I find that this is the hardest challenge. It would mean having to surrender and be open to experiencing all the parts of myself, including my shadow self. I have worked throughout the whole outbreak of the virus. There have been 5 of us consistently working together. This week one of my colleagues made a negative statement about me to another colleague who had just returned.

She was unaware of my presence. After hearing the statement, I felt hurt and betrayed. We had worked so closely together for over four months, so we had many opportunities to discuss issues that may arise. At that moment I was angry! I felt uncomfortable with these feelings and was surprised that the anger rose so quickly from within me. So I couldn’t respond to the words “I want to know you!” it would mean I would have to reveal and share what I believe is my shadow self. Why would I do this? Are not all parts of ourselves essential? The struggle with acknowledging the shadow part as my authentic self means I have to be honest. Honest with the parts of myself, I feel uncomfortable with. Our country is the midst of expressing its shadow self as we witness anger, hate, despair, courage, hope, and judgment from our brothers and sisters. It provokes those feelings we constantly push down. My heart wants to get to know all of me and wants me to befriend, accept, and love my shadow side. I am not alone with this struggle. We are in this together. In what ways can you befriend your heart this week?

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